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Identification with the past

It may have been the tent camping that did it, or it could just have been the extra high energy at Telluride, but I came home to intense headaches.  My good friend Juanita offered me some Reiki on Friday and I gladly took her up on that.  Within a few minutes of the Reiki treatment starting, I found myself propelled backwards in time to the Highlands of Scotland in late 1200's.   I felt had been trying to carry a message to my community of an impending hostile military action or raid, when I fell into a river and succumbed to exposure, dying before I could make it home to warn my family and friends. I felt I had failed, myself and everyone I loved and wanted to protect.  An intense feeling of "making the wrong decision" hung over me as fear and dread.  If I had failed so long ago to make the right decision (cross the river/not cross the river) what could I expect from myself in terms of making a right decision that might affect my loved ones and community now?  This close identification with this person from the past, and their fate and the fate of their community was so heavy and thick, my neck and head were screaming from the pain of it.  After that Reiki treatment I began treating myself with Reiki in earnest.  More lifetimes of personalities experiencing fear, doubt, dread and the feeling of "failure" and also just of intense fear... the fear of being "extinguished" of "existing no more" came up.  It felt as if the ego structures of these previous lifetime experiences were all screaming "I exist! Remember me! I exist! What will happen if I no longer exist? I must exist, I must... otherwise I will not exist and that possibility is too terrifying to consider! At some point in this dialogue of fear about existence versus non-existence, I realized that I needed to let go of my identification with the past... past lifetimes, past learning experiences that were difficult, past trauma... past ego structures, and past pain bodies.  It was when I identified with these past selves and their stories that I felt the most pain.  But when I affirmed that I "let them go" and "let go of identifying" with them, I began to feel better and experience a sense of peacefulness... and painlessness. Are you feeling pain? If you are, ask yourself this question... whose pain is it? and "What, or who, is this pain serving?" You don't need an immediate answer to these questions... just ask.

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